Music is Life, with Words from Plato and Joni Mitchell

Life is a lot of work! Especially for those of us who have lives in which we reflect on ourselves and our lives. As Plato said, “The life which s not examined is not worth living”. But I must say that at times I really do believe that ignorance IS bliss! One you start examining your life, you see many things – wonderful AND painful. One thing I am learning about myself right now is how much being creative keeps me healthy and happy. As I’ve mentioned in the past few blogs, I’ve been pretty ill, and although I’m pretty much better, my singing voice still hasn’t returned completely. It is definitely coming back, but one of the two muscle groups which work the vocal chords is still a bit swollen – which makes it hard (if not impossible) to sing sweetly and hit the high notes. It is just a matter of waiting at this point. The great news is that it is getting better each week!

While I am impatiently waiting for my voice to return, I am realizing that singing and creating music has been an enormous outlet for my emotions. I had no idea just how much life it brought me. Makes me think of the Joni Mitchell lyric, “Don’t it always seem to go, that you dont know what you’ve got till it’s gone”. I’m seeing how important singing and creating music is for me. It may sound stupid, but I didn’t see the depth of this before. I always knew I loved music, and turned to music many times in my life for joy and comfort, but I never saw how much it kept me balanced, happy and healthy. So much of life is hard work, overcoming fears and difficulties. Music has been my buffer. My respite from the toil of life. Actually giving me strength to contend with the rest of life. It is great for me to see this. Now that I see how necessary a part of my existence music is, I know I must do everything I can to keep it at the forefront of my life. It will keep me sane, healthy and energized. For whatever reasons, I think I have a hidden perception that (unless you are Miles Davis or Madonna) music is not a “real”, respectable career (like being a doctor or a businessman of some sort). In this country, the arts have always taken a back seat to other endeavors, and the life of an artist is not an easy one. There is very little support for an “unknown” artist. But I see first hand from the past two months, how much life the arts (singing and music in particular for me) bring – to me and to others. They keep us sane and alive and hopeful and strong. And I’m very lucky that at this time in my life I’m able to follow my calling and make music, and record CDs and so on. If I have ever had any doubts before that I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing, those thoughts are now erased! I can’t wait to sing with my whole soul and being when my voice comes back!

I’m writing this entry really for myself. To remind myself (incase at some point I slip back into my previous state of mind!) how important creating music is to my life. It is not just a feel good thing to do, or following some unknown calling from deep within, but it is life giving and essential to my existence.

3,002 total views

Health Update and Even a Quote from Helen Keller

In response to lots of emails, comments and messages, here is an update:

I am definitely getting better! Slowly but surely! I have never been sick for so long in my life (this Saturday will be exactly one month). I’ve noticed a BIG improvement in my energy in the past 2 days, so I’m finally feeling like there may be light at the end of the tunnel. I was told it will take a while to feel 100% again. My speaking voice is almost back to normal – it is still raspy. I still can’t sing, but it seems like (I’m hoping!) I might be able to sing starting sometime next week (if my recovery continues as it has) – at least vocalize. My head is still cloudy, but is also getting better. I can’t thank you all enough for your messages, emails, thoughts, prayers and love. I’m sure all of it has helped in my healing.

I’m feeling like this illness (as awful as it has been) is a way of clearing out all the debris and making a clean start! I’ve had a lot of time to do nothing but think and reflect, and again I realize how fragile life is. So much is taken for granted. Losing my singing voice was a very unnerving situation. Trying to sing a note, and having my vocal chords do (or not do) their own thing is very scary. It has made me realize how difficult singing is, and how all my hard work all these years has led me to a certain degree of mastery. That’s a big deal for me – seeing how confidence is not one of my strong points. I’ve gotten myself to a point where I can choose how to sing something. My voice is at the point where I have options, choices – I don’t have to sing something one way because that’s all my voice can do. I didn’t realize what an amazing thing that is, until it was taken away. And my voice arrived there from YEARS of vocalizing and hard work and thought.

It is interesting that I got sick two days before I was scheduled to record vocals for the final song, and finish vocals for one other. If I hadn’t gotten sick, production on my CD would be finished by now. Being forced to do nothing, I’ve had a chance to think about things – including the 2 songs (one of which may be the title track – I’m still not sure). I think my approach to them will be a bit different now that I’ve had some distance. It is a good thing. I never would have seen this new way to create these songs had I not been forced to stop working and reflect. I know I’ve said it in other blogs, but at the risk of repeating myself, I can really see how life is a process, a journey. Not about results. And life is tough, and fragile, and painful, but it is also wonderful.

Reminds me of a quote (I must be starting to feel better!) by Helen Keller:

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.” – Helen Keller

1,947 total views, 3 views today

Recovery

I thought I’d better write a blog to update things since I have a lot of unanswered messages, emails and comments on MySpace. This should bring everyone up to date. Unfortunately, I’ve been sick since December 26th. I think I got an infection from a simple medical procedure I had the week before. As a result, I had a horrible, high fever, and lost my voice completely. Can’t speak, can’t sing. It was so bad (and I couldn’t shake the fever) I had to go to the emergency room. My voice still isn’t back – and neither is my energy, but I am slowly getting better. This came just as I was scheduled to record the vocals for the final 2 songs for my upcoming CD. I was due to finish them the last week of December. Oh well. One of those lemons (mentioned in my previous blog) I guess. Nothing like life to test a person!! I don’t have much choice but go with the flow at this point. I’m hoping my voice will be back (speaking) by next week, and hopefully I’ll be singing a week or so after that. Now that my voice is gone, I realize just how much joy and life it brings me to sing. Hopefully I’ll be back and “running” soon! Just thought I’d let you all know the reason for my lack of communication.

1,996 total views