Writer’s Block, An Epiphany, and a Quote from Carl Jung

While struggling with one of the changes I have been working on with writing my show (It has been a HUGE undertaking and challenge), I finally had a bit of a breakthrough. After suffering from writer’s block for a few months now, I finally stumbled back to the place I started: the realization that I’m writing the show because there is something I want to say. Somewhere along the way, I lost site of that and started to think more about what others would think of the show. That was enough to destroy my writing and any sense of confidence. So I am finally feeling like I’m getting back on my feet, and have some direction again. I’m not sure If I’ll make my deadline of a finished show by December 31st, but at least I’m feeling like I’m on my way.

I’m not sure why, but I didn’t fall into this trap with my songwriting. I think 80% of the songs I’m planning on recording for my next CD are songs I wrote in the past few months (including the first two I’ve already started recording). And I feel they are my best songs yet. Lyrically, while most of my songs from my first two CDs (“Infinite Man” and “Ready”, and even the single “Lonely Motel”) look inward, my new songs (mostly) look outward at the world around me. I wrote what I feel with no apologies, and it is a sign of my growth as a person and an artist. I’ve gotten larger and larger doses of reality in this past decade of my life, and I’m finally making peace with it. I’m embracing reality: pain and all. As a result, in my long goal to find my “voice”, I am finally starting to hear it. I’m not sure if what I’m “hearing” is a creation, or if it is something that’s always been there and I’m now seeing it after all the illusions and delusions have been stripped away. Whichever it is, I am clear that the act of creating (music or acting) is what gives me life. It is what makes me — me.

I’ve been going through some sort of psychological epiphany for some reason (it was not on my “To Do” list!). As I keep creating, I’m getting clearer and more accepting of life and “reality”. In my acceptance of reality, I’ve come to believe that the human condition comes with suffering and anxiety. I think that is part of what it is to be human. And if that’s the case, I see two choices in life: either feel the pain, or avoid it. If we feel it, we can actually move though it (as painful as it is) and have some sort of happiness and power (until the next pain comes our way). If we avoid feeling it (which is what we are taught to do in society), we can’t really have power or true happiness, and avoidance often leads to addiction and/or living in denial.

I heard a quote which speaks directly to my insight (I guess it’s true that there are no original thoughts). It is no surprise that the quote is from the brilliant Carl Jung:

“Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.”

– Carl Jung

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Writing and More Writing

It has gotten harder and harder for me to blog as I’ve been doing a lot of non-blog writing the past few months. If you are up to date, you’ll know I recently finished the first draft of my one-man-show. I was very happy with it, and pretty amazed that I was able to write a show! There were 2 major changes I felt it needed. One of them has been made — and I think the show is even better now! The second change is giving me a bit more trouble. I have been struggling with it since the first draft was completed, and have still not been able to resolve it. One thing I’ve learned from the writing process so far, is that if I keep at it, it will come. So I’m still trudging along.

As I mentioned in my last radio interview, lately, while writing the show, many song ideas were coming to me. I took notes and put them aside thinking I would get back to song writing once my show was finished. But a few weeks ago, while struggling, I thought I’d take a short break from writing the show (to hopefully gain some perspective for when I return to it), and start writing songs. I also learned from my past that when songs come to me, I should write! Strike while the iron’s hot — as there are times when nothing comes to me. Well, the floodgates have opened and I’m writing songs like crazy! And I have enough great songs for a new CD! Interestingly enough, I have a LOT of previously written songs I haven’t recorded. Yet most of the songs I’ll be recording for my next CD are newly written. It seems I’ve evolved, and my new songs reflect that. I’m very excited about this new project! The producer of “Ready” and I have been talking on and off for a while about recording a new CD, and now I feel it is time. If all goes according to plan, I might be in the studio as soon as sometime this month!!

It has been a long time since I prepared songs to record, and I must say it is one of my favorite processes. I generally start with a lyric (about 75% of my new songs stared with the lyric). Once I add music, the lyrics inevitably change. Some just slightly and others become whole new lyrics. I seem to discover the song while writing it, and I love the feeling of finding my way in the dark with just the thread of the lyric and the notes of the melody to pull me along. It is such a joyous experience! My mind seems to be tuned into a different channel when I’m songwriting (I wish I could find that place so easily when writing my show)!!

Thus, I’ve been pretty preoccupied these days. I must say “thank you” to everyone who’s sent me messages about my show. I REALLY appreciate the support! My new goal is to have the show ready to rehearse by Jan 1st. Through my blogs, I will keep you all up to date on my progress — both with my show and my next CD. Stay tuned….

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My One-Man-Show, and Gilda Radner

Those of you following me on Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter, know that I recently finished the first draft of my one-man-show! It was a major feat indeed!! For the most part, I’m thrilled with how the first draft came out and can’t wait to perform it! I am so surprised to have written a play (based around my music). I never in a million years thought I’d do something like that! It shows me that if you put your mind to something, do the work, and stay in action even in the face of not knowing, you can accomplish things you don’t think you can do. I’m really surprised at the outcome, and much like with songwriting, I don’t know where the characters and stories came from (the show follows the story of several people). A difficult and fulfilling endeavor. I guess that’s what creativity is? My show is not quite where I want it yet, as there are two somewhat major changes I feel I need to make. So I’m back to writing! I’m feeling a bit blocked at the moment, but I’m trusting from my experience that if I keep at it, eventually something great and unexpected will come.

Of course it reminds me of a quote. And how appropriate that it is from the brilliant actress-comedian Gilda Radner!

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.”

– Gilda Radner

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