A Dose of Reality

Right now, for various reasons, I am faced with letting go of all of my preconceived thoughts about my life and its’ journey. After being on vacation in Japan for a week – which was an amazing experience – and returning home with some sort of flu, something inside of me changed. When I am sick with a fever, my mind goes crazy with negative thoughts and feelings. But in the middle of all the depressing thoughts, I had several epiphanies! I’m not sure why or even what. I do know that I have a keener sense of myself as a person – my strengths and weaknesses. I am realizing that life has been a struggle for me to the extent that I have been trying to behave in a way that is not who I am. It is not how I am “programmed”. And I have been fighting who I am for years. Thinking I need to be different than I am in order to be creative and be successful. I can see now that I will never be the way I think I need to be (it is not in my nature) and there is a sense of peace in knowing this.

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“Where I’m At”

I’ve been so busy with so many things – promoting “Infinite Man”, recording more songs, gathering a band, performing Improv, finishing my short film, beginning another acting project with 2 actor friends, studying Tai Chi and Spanish, and so on – I haven’t been able to stop and see where I’m at. To some degree, knowing where I am at probably isn’t very helpful. It is good for seeing progress with regard to goals, but I don’t know how useful it is evaluating one’s life. And I have a tendency to evaluate and assess myself. When I’ve reflected on “where I’m at” recently, there are days I’ve felt like I’m beginning a new chapter of my life. Like I’ve just stepped on a new plateau. But lately, as soon as I feel that, life swings down and knocks me to the ground! I guess that is one of my big lessons in life – since it keeps reappearing. To keep moving forward, letting go of all my attachments to wishes, desires, outcomes, and fears from past experiences. To just “BE”. Boy that is difficult!! What’s important is staying in motion, creating, living, growing. Easier said than done – it is easy until I stop and reflect!! I guess once again, I have to remind myself that life is a process not a result. Living is about being, not about what was accomplished. Why is that thought so difficult to retain??

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Creativity Returns!

There is light at the end of the tunnel. As I mentioned in a previous blog, I was going through some sort of creative block. My creative juices seem to be flowing again – thank goodness! Ideas for songs are starting to flow again, which is a good sign. I guess one of my life lessons is to keep going even when I don’t think I can. Realizing that life is always changing – nothing stays the way it is forever – is one of those concepts that I know, but have trouble retaining. It comes to me in fleeting moments – and when I’m stuck, it feels like things will never change. But they do. Eventually!

The three songs I’ve been recording are very close to being finished – hopefully in the next week or two. They are intended to be songs included on my second CD.

I’ll keep you posted on the writing, recording and performing. Just stay tuned!

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